In these last several weeks, I’ve hit the Wall and it wasn’t just while I was running. I’ve had so much going on with family and other obligations that I was to the point of feeling completely incapacitated. A lot of this comes from having a really hard problem saying two words more often – “No” and “Help”.
Summertime busyness, birthdays to shop, clean and cook for, rearranging a bedroom (the day before a double bday party), normal household duties, a wedding to be in, planning a race, finding a time to run (and deal with the extreme heat), back to school shopping, and all of the rest of things that being Mama involves has had my head spinning! Not that women all over the world don’t have that much and more to do everyday but I can say with no doubt that my plate hasn’t been just full…it’s been overflowing. At one point, I was having nights that I couldn’t fall asleep, even though I was exhausted because my mind was racing. When I did fall asleep, I’d wake up sweating with my heart pounding as if I’d been running speed drills and eyes wide open. Thoughts of race medals, matron of honor dresses and shoes, where can I order that Caillou toy, race time clocks, Barney birthday decorations, making birthday cakes, school clothes, cleaning the house, typing up registration forms to put online and did I leave a candle lit in the living room were going through my head so fast that I wondered if I was truly going crazy. There was a day or two that all I wanted to do was drop my kids off at their grandparent’s, turn off my phone and computer, go in my bedroom and just hide. (I never did that but boy did it sound good at the time! )
Thankfully, I’m not and never was alone in all of this. I have God, my family and I have friends and that’s how I’ve gotten through these last few crazy weeks. A sermon at church about worry came at a perfect time for me and made me realize that I had let my anxiety not only get out of control but control me. I made a decision to stop so being stressed to the point of doing nothing because I didn’t know where to begin and start moving forward.
So, what did I do once I decided having a mini breakdown wasn’t an option? First, I prayed and apologized to God for trying to do everything myself. I also acknowledged that I need to have a little more faith and a little less freaking out going on in my life. Then I did something that I don’t always do….I asked for help and accepted help when it was offered. For example, I called my friend, who is great cake decorator, and asked if she could come over and help me decorate the 2 cakes I had looming over me to bake. As the time got closer and I still had tons to do, she insisted on just making them herself and bringing them to me on the day of the party to make things easier. Although it was very hard to accept this extremely huge gesture, I finally realized that she was right and gratefully accepted.
I started prioritizing and making lists (which isn’t a bad thing to do anyway) and deciding on what had to be done now, in a day or two,week or so, etc. Which explains the lack of a blog lately. Slowly but surely, things have been coming together, getting done and being marked off of my to-do list. I’m now finally feeling like things are getting slowly back to the normal busy around here instead of nightmare busy.
Crying helps. Well, at least it does for me sometimes. Not because it solves any problems but sometimes it really helps me get all of my emotions/frustrations out and focused again. There was a day or two that I scrunched up in blanket on the recliner and just cried. I can nearly guarantee that after one “good” cry, the next day I come back stronger and more focused than ever. It may be just a girl thing but sometimes it just has to be done (if you can’t get a long run in). I’ve also made sure that I didn’t stop finding a time to go run. Running is a huge stress reliever for me and I knew that it needed to be done even if I thought I was too tired to go. The great thing is that lately, because I’ve been having to go nearly all the time at night, I’ve picked up a new running buddy – Jason! 🙂 ( Our older kids keep the baby monitor with them and listen for Zach and Zoe for us.) Instead of running those boring loops at the track, we’ve been running all over Seminary. It’s been so nice to get to run and talk to each other -almost like a date!- and it’s also been neat to see the town from a different view. I took my son, Tyler last night with me and proudly gave him the tour of the town as we chatted the whole time. At first I felt like my circumstances were forcing me into running at a certain time but now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 🙂
Don’t get me wrong. All of these things that I’ve been doing and currently doing are all things I want to do because they involve, in one way or the other, people I care about. The trouble I have is when it all seems to happen at once or so close that it seems like it’s all at one time. I’m not the most organized person you’ve ever met either. The first step is to admit it, right? 🙂
My big focus on my list right now is the Race for Grace 5k, planning another birthday (but at least it will be at a laser tag place), and starting my half marathon training. I’m also hoping to do a product review soon, a race report from the Watermelon 5k (Yes, the one in July…) and I’m going to feature a runner/walker from our state and do a Q&A blog with them. It may be a slow going process but at least now you know what has been keeping me so busy lately. Don’t give up on me! I’m getting there, one step at a time. 🙂
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.(NLT)